Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the holidays and gift giving has become not a joy but a burden you feel you must bear? I have felt that way every year for the last seven years when it comes to my job.

Don't get me wrong, I love my bosses and think they are two of the most wonderful and kind people I have met. They are the salt of the earth, and every year they go out of their way and spend too much money on giving their employees a Christmas party. Therein, is where the problem lies. The Christmas party.

I am not a party person by nature and there is something inside of me that rebels against the idea of being forced to spend an evening of my free time in the company of people I ordinarily would not socialize with, in an atmosphere that I feel totally uncomfortable in, condoning behavior I find childish and repulsive.

Yes, I sincerely feel that strongly about it. However, not going is really not an option as my absence would be seen as disrespectful to my employers and would anger many of my co-workers, making the next several weeks or even months of my daily work uncomfortable to say the least.

What makes the whole situation worse, is that my employers go out each year and buy every employee an expensive gift. This too makes me extremely uncomfortable. The we are required to sit up at the front of the room to open these gifts in front of a crowd of people.

Then there is the issue of giving my bosses a gift. We take up a collection every year at work, and then a joint gift is bought. Which I think is a lovely idea. However, there is usually an amount set to be collected from every employee instead of each of us giving from the heart. Though I would give as much or maybe more than the set amount if the choice was mine, I find the idea of "owing" a certain amount of money takes all the joy out of giving the gift.

To make matters worse, once the money is collected one or two people select the gift, and most of the rest of the employees are not even made aware of what their hard earned money was spent for until the gift is opened at the Christmas party.

What really saddens me is the whole spirit of giving is reduced to that of paying a bill, rather than giving a gift of love and instead of celebrating the holiday I find myself dreading it.

Starting two months before Christmas even arrives, I find myself filled with dread, and becoming more and more depressed over the situation. There have been times, when I have even considered quitting my job permanently to avoid the ordeal of this "Celebration."

It has reached the point that with no children at home, my husband (who works in the same place) and I do not even hold our own Christmas celebration, it is simply just another day to us though more joyless than most.

Christmas used to be one of favorite holidays, filled with love, good will, and laughter. Now it is something to get through the best way I can.

I want the Christmases of yesterday back again. I long for a return to the true meaning of Christmas.